About two and a half months ago she stepped into my life and ever since then I have done all that I can to make her comfortable. I have never argued with her. Never. Not even when she misunderstood my sentiments. Nor have I ever tried to meddle with her life. She has always been allowed to use her creative genius to come up with out of the box solutions to my problems. Notwithstanding the fact that her solutions were absolute hokum, I have always tried to be open to her ideas, lest I bring out the worst in her (she was bad enough already). During all these days I was completely oblivious of the fact that my dislike towards her was gradually piling up behind a dam which was unfortunately not very strong. Finally, about a week ago this dam gave way. All my feelings came gushing out and I finally found myself speaking the unspeakable as I bid goodbye to my not so efficient maid.
Well, I don’t even want to get into the details of how I found her. That can give me enough material to publish a white paper titled “How to Look for a Maid”. But I can definitely tell you that the experience was not a very pleasant one. The moment I broke the news to all my friends that I was shifting to a new flat all of them asked me the same question. “Chhavi, what about the maid. Have you found one yet.” I was so naive at that time. Little did I know that finding a good maid would be one of the most daunting challenges I would ever have to face. Anyway, I did find a maid who guaranteed me that I would never find another one like her. This statement could have been interpreted in a number of ways but I decided to give her the benefit of doubt.
So, madam started discharging her duties and I started observing her work very closely. I’ll have to admit that in the initial days I was quite impressed with her work. Not only was the floor mopped to an impeccable shine, the door mats were also dusted to remove any trace of dust. She washed all the utensils meticulously and even took the pains to arrange them neatly on the shelves. I was convinced that I had done something which no woman had done before – I had found a perfect maid.
However, my celebrations were short-lived for every rising sun brought out a different shade in her, one which was not very palatable. Gradually, I began to find thin layers of dust on the bookshelves which became thicker with every passing day. All the utensils that had been washed by her had to be re-washed. She began to fall sick on every alternate day which forced me to step into her shoes.
One day I noticed that my bathroom had not been cleaned for weeks. On being confronted she replied, “I had agreed to clean the house, not the bathrooms”. Agreed? Wasn’t I paying her for her service. And what did she mean by “clean the house, not the bathrooms”? Weren’t the bathrooms supposed to be a part of the house? May be one of my architect friends could help me out with that.
The other day I found onion peels and tomato pieces floating in the bathroom. It was then that I realised that all the kitchen waste gradually made its way down my bathroom drain choking it partially, leading to the formation of a mini swimming pool. And since the bathroom was “not a part of the house” which the maid had “agreed” to clean, I had to clean it myself.
She started complaining that there were too many dirty utensils in the kitchen sink. If she had to wash all of them, I would have to increase her salary. I was not quite sure of the modus operandi I was supposed to follow. What was I to do? Increase her pay or reduce my food intake by half so that her highness had fewer utensils to wash ?
My room was also cleaned superficially . The corners and the under-side of the bed were conveniently ignored and the cob webs were never removed.
So finally, after much thought, I decided to replace her with a new maid and I hope things will work out with her.
May be I should organise a coconut breaking ceremony to start our relationship on an auspicious note.